“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”
― Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture
I’m really fearful of letting go of my aspirations.
I’m scared of the judgement I hear in people’s voices when I tell them I’m going to move home when I graduate. I’m even more scared by their disdained faces when I tell them I’m saving up because I’m going to travel instead of getting a ‘real’ job.But what’s more terrifying is not following my dreams.
Okay, it may be unorthodox to backpack instead of going straight into the employment cycle without any real plan for afterwards, but what dictates employment as the norm? I understand I may be making a mistake by putting my career on hold for two years, but for me it doesn’t feel like a mistake. I have my whole life to work 40+ hours a week at the same desk in the same city doing the same job. I’m scared of monotony. I’m worried I won’t live an unforgettable life.
“The days are long but the years are short.” – Gretchen Rubin
The intoxicating idea of traveling anonymously through Europe. Following my heart instead of my head. Following feelings instead of a calendar. Meeting people instead of answering emails and phones. I’m anxious to explore and grow. I’m daunted by the idea of living an ordinary life instead of literally pushing the boundaries of my experience.
“Don’t let your dreams be dreams.” – Jack Johnson
I can’t let this go, no matter how many people advise me against it, no matter how many shitty jobs I’ll do, and no matter how many terrible customers I’ll deal with along the way, it’s going to be worth it to me.
“It’s not about how to achieve your dreams, it’s about how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the dreams will come to you.” – Randy Pausch
My friends and my parents tell me if there’s one person who they know who could do this – move abroad and get out of America, lead a life they would be jealous of – it’s me. I just need to be strong enough to remind myself to do it in the face of adversity.
I also want to thank all the bloggers who are inspiring me to do this with my life. The writers who are brave enough to venture outside of their comfort zone and explain the terrors and the joys that come along with traveling. The photographers who capture the beauty in the ordinary that you find while you discover a new city. The few who stand up and choose to do something exceptionally inconceivable by so many. You are giving me the courage to live my life remarkably. Thank you.
I like to work out. Most of the time I forget that I do, but it’s true.
However, when I was at the gym yesterday I started thinking about why I work out.
I usually do yoga because it makes me feel great after a class because I’m centered and I had my ‘savasana’ (yoga term for nap time essentially). In yoga, I forget about my what’s bothering me and dedicate an hour to my body. After yoga I always feel confident in the strength of my body and what it can accomplish. I can see which poses I’ve come far in and which ones I’m still working to achieve – like crow, dammit.
When I’m at the gym my thoughts and feelings are incredibly different. I’m concerned about looking like I’m ‘working’ out. I look at all the other girls clad in their neon Nike attire who have been on the treadmill for two hours and have no intention of stopping. I check out the cute guy sprinting around the track. I go down to the weight room and immediately realize that I’m the only girl and therefore the only one using the 15 pound weights for my wimpy arm exercises.
Despite all the incredibly distressing thoughts I have, I still have a great work out. I work my ass off (literally) and I feel great afterwards.
When I was working out, I was listening to rap music and thinking about how I needed to run faster, do more crunches, do that extra set because I wanted to look good in my jeans or in my new tight dress. While this is great motivation for working out, I started wondering if this was negative reinforcement. Last summer I lost 30 pounds – while I was still in a relationship with someone who loved me regardless if I ate a cookie. I worked out and dieted because I wanted to improve myself. Now, I do yoga for myself, but sometimes I feel like when I work out at the gym I’m doing it to impress other people now that I’m single.
Why do you work out? Is it for other people or yourself? Which is better motivation?
Everything and nothing the same. That’s what happens when homes move, things change and you go back to where you came from.
Excerpt from A Big Life “Fresh Flowers and Clean Laundry” that I thought accurately reflects the feeling of coming home.
Watch the clip below to understand the topic I will be discussing:
Expectations ruin any good thing you thought could happen and all you end up with is disappointment and negativity.
I’m still learning this now that I’m home. Expecting that cute shirt to look good when you try it on or thinking you are going to have a legendary night out are harmful and detrimental thoughts to actual reality.
When you let go of expectations and let life just happen, you will be a lot more satisfied by the outcome, because you aren’t comparing it to what could have happened.
Expectations are human constructs. We manufacture them for ourselves as humans to set boundaries and ideals for our lives. Religion, culture, fashion, etc are all perceptions of what society expects of us. Life is what actually happens. It’s uncontrollable, and the more you try to tightly hold on and constrain it, the more out of control you actually begin to feel.
My friend gave me this advice about guys, “Don’t wish for anything. Don’t imagine anything. Because as soon as you do, whatever you wanted to happen will never, ever, in a million years, happen.”
So being single I’ve learned that I should have no hopes or dreams when it comes to men.
Which as negative as that sounds – it’s just a more realistic way to look at life. Dating isn’t a romantic comedy staring [insert beautiful, witty, and charmingly awkward actress] and [insert hunky male star with gorgeous smile that makes you forgive them at the end of the film for being an asshole]. Life is about making the best of any situation because you are living life, not acting out a contrived plot. We won’t ever be able to guess the ending of our lives, and that’s one of the perks of living.
Stories from abroad:
One thing I learned abroad was not to expect anything amazing, incredible, life-changing, or memorable to happen, because as soon as you expected it to happen – you would inevitably be disappointed when it didn’t happen.
The best example I have to champion the destruction of your expectations happened on a Wednesday night in Florence with my friend Stephanie.
We honestly wanted one drink. One simple drink. We went to our favorite student bar, Naima, and it was a slow night. The night was young and so were we, so we stopped by another bar called Lion’s Fountain. As we were perusing the crowd, we were approached by these guys who offered to buy us drinks. After talking for a while we went with them to a club, 21, and proceeded to get more free drinks. From there we went to a nearby pub, and following suit, more free drinks. Hell, Stephanie even got a bouquet of flowers. Then we went to another club, YAB. After that, the night is pretty much black. However, the next morning I woke up to this note in my phone:
No, I never saw Adam again, but that’s not really the point.
The point is, NONE of that would have happened if we had been planning on having some epic night out. We went out, not expecting anything and we ended up having a blast…albeit a black out…but a blast nonetheless.
So my advice to everyone on this Thirsty Thursday: screw expectations.
Fall in love or fall in hate. Get inspired or be depressed. Ace a test of fail a class. Make babies or make art. Speak the truth or lie and cheat. Dance on the table or sit in the corner. Life is divine chaos, embrace it. Forgive yourself. Breathe. Enjoy the ride.
“Travel is little beds and cramped bathrooms. It’s old television sets and slow Internet connections. Travel is extraordinary conversations with ordinary people. It’s waiters, gas station attendants, and housekeepers becoming the most interesting people in the world. It’s churches that are compelling enough to enter. It’s McDonald’s being a luxury. It’s the realization that you may have been born in the wrong century. Travel is a smile that leads to a conversation in broken English. It’s the epiphany that pretty girls smile the same way all over the world. Travel is tipping 10% and being embraced for it. Travel is the same white T-shirt again tomorrow. Travel is accented sex after good wine and too many unfiltered cigarettes. Travel is flowing in the back of a bus with giggly strangers. It’s a street full of bearded backpackers looking down at maps. Travel is wishing for one more bite of whatever that just was. It’s the rediscovery of walking somewhere. It’s sharing a bottle of liquor on an overnight train with a new friend. Travel is “Maybe I don’t have to do it that way when I get back home.” It’s nostalgia for studying abroad that one semester. Travel is realizing that “age thirty” should be shed of its goddamn stigma.”
– Nick Miller, Isn’t It Pretty to Think So?
Taken from The Squeaky Robot’s post Exodus
It’s not as much as fun as you think it would be.
Lately, I’ve felt like a dude. It’s actually fairly difficult, because I don’t really subscribe to traditional gender roles. Women bringing home the bacon, making the first move, being on top, etc. Bring it on, women can handle it.
But as much as I would like to think that men respect this – surprise – they don’t.
Examples from my life as a single, strong-willed, and sometimes ballsy woman:
1. I have made it explicably clear to someone that all I want is a very causal relationship. What does he do? Acts like a boyfriend.
2. I make the terrible mistake of having the conversation with a man about numbers. He then tells me I really know how to make a guy feel special. Wait – I’m sorry, were you supposed to be special? Because making out on the street didn’t feel especially special.
3. (this is the only slightly positive outcome) I approach a man at a bar and hit on him, because it’s almost last call, someone bought me a shot, he was cute, and my friends can usually coerce me to do anything after 1:30 am if they tell me it will be funny. By the end of the conversation, he gave me a hug, said thank you, and told me it was cool that I approached him. Well…awesome?
Overall, most of these guys are just fleeting moments for me, I’m not looking for any stand outs or for someone to sweep me off my feet. I’ve been swept already and now I’m just hanging out. As much as guys say that’s what they want and that’s their idea of a ‘dream girl’, in my research I’ve found that they want just as much respect as any woman deserves. Basically, there is no winning. So I’ll just keep doin’ me while you keep doin’ your little pansy thing. Cheers.
Out with the old and in with the new.
Since being back, I’ve felt like I’ve changed a lot of my priorities in life. I’m not as driven in my career as I was previously. For the past year or so I’ve been struggling to figure out which department I’d like to focus on in advertising – design, account service, copywriting – and I think I’m finding a better direction with that at least. I’ve also realized that being in a small agency is definitely where I’d like to work, as opposed to the big name agencies who suck the living soul out of their employees….in my opinion.
But see, here’s the thing. I’ve decided to put my career on hold until I get back from Europe.
Andddd I’ll be going to Europe in May 2014….indefinitely (and by indefinitely I mean until I run out of money…)
So until then I’m kind of figuring out what I want to do. I’ll obviously be working to save up money, but I’m not sure I want to get a job at an agency where I’ll become comfortable at because then I won’t want to leave.
My boss at one of my internships this summer suggested that while I’m off gallivanting in Europe, I should blog while I’m there and spin it as a ‘creative writing project’ and use it in my portfolio when I get back.
GREAT IDEA I KNOW.
This blog has largely been about traveling and advertising (and some fashion, of course) but now I want to start using for more personal topics as well in order to start finding a voice for my writing since I’m starting to focus on it more.
All in all, I feel like “Young, Wild, and Free” pretty accurately reflects how I’m living my life at this point. I’m exploring myself and the world, without an attachment to a boyfriend or a career path for the first time. It’s an adventure to say the least. I still want to write about places I’m planning on going like Dublin, Krakow, and Portugal, but there will less emphasis on advertising.
What to Expect Now: stories, a little more humor, some booze, and a lot of self-discovery.
Sorry if that’s disappointing. But I hope it’s still interesting, if not more.
*Warning: The majority of this blog post does not contain any real information, but expresses my frustrations on the subject.
Fairly recently, I became single for the first time since I was 15. Needless to say, back when I was ‘dating’, the style was totally different because it was 2006…and I was a sophomore in high school.
Now it’s a completely different ball game.
When I was in a relationship I wore what I liked wearing because I didn’t have to impress anyone but myself. Sure I wanted to look cute and garner a few compliments from my girlfriends, but hotness was never a real factor that I considered necessary when I was getting ready.
See that? I still can’t comprehend that. So this is my dilemma right now. What is single girl style? How do you pull it off without looking like a slut muffin? And how much do you have to sacrifice your personal style to impress guys?
Slut Muffin
There are a lot of slutty girls out there. Want to know how I know this? Because they dress like it. I understand that everyone has varying degrees of appropriateness and being single, that degree is fairly low. Sometimes when I go to a bar, I look around and I feel like I just ran into the girls from Jersey Shore and wonder, “How did they end up in Texas? Did they get lost on their way to Las Vegas?”
And I know that not everyone dresses exactly like that, but today in America the single girl uniform is fairly simple.
Single Girl Uniform
Simple and effective, but not right for everyone. The types of guys that are attracted to this are usually not type of guys you want to talk to. So what’s the right combination? So far this is the advice I’ve gathered from men, women, and magazines (which are written by women).
“Guys like simple.”
“Wear a big necklace it’ll draw attention to your cleavage.”
“Don’t look like you’re trying too hard.”
“Can you walk in 5 inch heels?”
“Look cute, but still sexy. But not too sexy, but enough so that they know you’re single.”
“Just wear something low-cut.”
“Why is everything you own so flowy?”
And that’s how I feel after hearing all the advice, reading different articles, buying new clothes, and trying to be something that I’m not. It’s a really strange feeling to be alone after being with someone for so long and it’s even more strange that I feel like I can’t dress like myself when I go out to meet people.
SGS (Single Girl Swag)
The most important thing to have when you go out, besides heels (which I will say, are a complete must and add to SGS), is single girl swag. It’s when you feel great in what you’re wearing so it translates to confidence, which is truly the sexiest thing a girl can have when she’s going out. If you are feeling good, it doesn’t really matter what you’re wearing, you will get some attention because of the energy you are giving off. So here are some of my tips for going out. I’m sure after this blog post you will take my advice, because obviously I know what I’m talking about.
Smile, brush your teeth.
Wear heels, it doesn’t matter what size heel because you will always feel sexier (and the oomph in the back doesn’t hurt either).
Wear something you feel comfortable in. Tugging at your shirt or pulling up your low-rise jeans isn’t sexy.
Don’t wear any rings on your ‘ring finger’, even if they are in no way like a wedding ring, guys apparently notice.
Wear tight jeans or a tight skirt.
Shave your legs.
Bring out lipstick, your phone, and a sense of humor. Don’t take the night too seriously.
Be your own damn self. Stop trying to dress for others or for the venue you’re going. Just do yo’ thang and rock the single girl swag.
Carrie Bradshaw and Holly Golightly, ultimate SGS.
Briana Wucinski 